Fidesz criticises "left-leaning" storm
Hungary’s main opposition party Fidesz last Friday accused the major storm that killed dozens across Europe of favouring the ruling Hungarian Socialist Party after it failed to devastate Hungary.
“We were expecting widespread destruction and the opportunity to blame the government for being unprepared,” Fidesz spokesman Taksz Bollóksz said at a press conference. “Instead this so-called storm proved it is a Socialist lackey by not exposing the government’s shocking complacency in the run-up to the projected catastrophe. Quite frankly, knocking over a few chimneys just isn’t good enough.”
The storm, which was widely expected to at the very least knock a few trees over onto parked cars and blow off a roof or two, limped into Hungary in the early hours of last Friday and caused almost no problems.
Bollóksz held the press conference in front of precarious scaffolding in the centre of Budapest to drive his message home. “Just look at this. Any self-respecting, politically-independent storm would have blown this away like matchsticks,” he said. “It would have driven steel rods through the windscreens of passing cars, reduced shop windows to shards of deadly glass and generally showed the government up for the lazy charlatans that they are.”
He also attempted to prove the storm’s bias by pointing to charts of its progress across Europe. “You can clearly see the storm took a sharp turn to the left before it entered Hungary,” he said, although he quickly put the chart away when it was pointed out he was holding it upside down.
The spokesman further claimed that the storm specifically targeted government opponents when it entered the country. “Almost all of the pathetically-small amount of damage was done to the houses of those who voted against the government at last year’s local elections,” he said. “Not only that, but it blew off the wig of a high ranking Fidesz official in a blatant attempt to embarrass the party.”
A government spokeswoman, while admitting that the cabinet had entered into “high-level” talks with the storm before it came to Hungary, refuted the charges.
“It is ridiculous to claim that a storm has any political bias,” she said. “Destructive forces of nature are renowned for their objectivity, and Kyrill was no different. Once we explained that Hungarians already have more than enough to worry about with us in charge of the country, it agreed to move along quietly.”
A prominent left-leaning daily newspaper hailed the lack of any damage as “a glorious victory for the government; proof that the Socialist Party can not only perform miracles with the economy, but can also convince major weather systems to change course through rational discourse”.
A popular right-leaning daily, however, said that the storm had its tongue so far up the government’s backside it could taste kidney and also had direct links to the former Communist regime. “We have proof that Kyrill’s wife’s grandfather’s next-door-neighbour’s dog once attempted to mount a poodle that János Kádár [Hungary’s former dictator] fed a biscuit to in a park,” it wrote. “What more evidence do you need?”