My little néni next-door neighbour was admiring our new plants the other day (we planted new ones after leaving two dead trees to rot outside for several months), when she told me that she had measured our trees.
Apparently ours are 80cm and her single specimen is only 40. I know our neighbours have a bit of a plant war going on, but I was a bit surprised by this. I've heard of penis envy, but never tree envy.
I'm now worried that she is going to sabotage our efforts, either by hoiking up her otthonka and spraying the plants with paprika-laced old-lady pee, or by swapping them when we aren't looking. I'm wondering if we should set up some kind of guard system: man-traps or some such device to catch her. She has thick ankles, so it shouldn't cause any permanent damage.
There are quite a few old women with nothing to do in our building. When Pollock was visiting last year, he came out the shower in his boxer shorts to find the ancient old woman that does balcony circuits on her zimmer frame cupping her hands and peering in the window.
Lucky for her she's very short-sighted, or the sight of Pollock's beer-belly overhanging his skiddies might have caused her frail wee heart to burst (with sexual excitement, obviously).
I'm hoping that when I get to that age I have something a bit more interesting to do with my time - perhaps smelling of piss on public transport or holding up post office queues by refusing point-blank to understand the new stamp system.
Sometimes I think Logan's Run was onto something, but then I've already passed the cut-off point and would have been bumped off five years ago.